How Non-Attachment Improves Your Well-Being, Creativity, and Performance
“Don’t fall into the trap of expectation.
— Frank Ostaseski
Do you ever feel anxious about something that hasn’t yet occurred?
Yeah, me too.
It’s human nature. We are wired to use fear as a guide to help us safely maneuver life’s challenges. Yet, most of our challenges in the developed world don’t involve being chased by a lion, going weeks without food, or trying to build a warm shelter so we can survive one more night.
Instead, our fear tends to be governed by narcissism, what others will think of us, and our constant avoidance of being perceived as wrong, naive, delusional, and/or dumb.
We go to absurd lengths to make sure we look smart, pretty, and kind.
More clothes, read another book, regurgitate another quote, watch another documentary.
To quote from Nassim Taleb’s, Skin in the Game,
“The curse of modernity is that we are increasingly populated by a class of people who are better at explaining than understanding.”
Let’s begin by trying to understand something that will benefit us all, myself included.
Non-attachment, or put another way:
The practice of Welcoming Everything, As Is.
When you are non-attached, you let go of expectation. You don’t let things outside of your control influence your inner game. By actively choosing to witness things for what they are in this moment, you play the role of the higher-level observer. What may normally have caused you to choke, procrastinate, or get upset now may seem trivial.
The key here is not detachment. This means that there is a lack of engagement, and participation in your life.
Non-attachment is the opposite.
You understand full well what is happening around you. You are putting yourself out there, engaging with your environment. This is a very active process. You are actively realizing that you don’t have to let these external circumstances define who you are as a person.
We all get nervous. We all procrastinate. We all get upset.
But do we let these things define us? Do they become traits, and part of our character?
A lot of this stems from us expecting a certain outcome. We act without planning, we react emotionally to something we didn’t see coming, we dwell on the event long after it passed.
Expectation is a trap because life is constantly changing. It is not linear. When we live in a constant state of expectation, we are living as if we are individuals that believe we are greater than the whole.
Yet, this is impossible. We are only a small piece in a much larger puzzle.
View others and your environment from a place of openness, compassion, and empathy. Listen intently, and gather as much information as you can, and make sure to understand the full story.
From this place of deep understanding, make sure to listen to your true self, and your DNA. Own up to your mistakes, accept your faults, and learn from them.
When you have:
compassion to yourself,
show empathy to others,
have the self-awareness to follow your instincts with a hefty dose of rationality,
and the understanding and humility to realize that you may be wrong,
you move closer to finding the Truth.
You become happier, and more approachable. Tension is released and you are able to create much more freely. If you are high-level executive, entrepreneur, or an athlete, you might find that you begin to rapidly increase your rates of learning, product, and skill development. You stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself because that pressure usually comes from the motives and agendas of others. If you want to be the best, then go be the best. But don’t do it for anyone else.
There are only the Principles and the Truths of life.
Everything else is just superficial. This moment, is one of millions. That decision, is one of millions. That thought, is one of millions. It all comes — and, like all life — it all goes.
Do your job, put your skin in the game, don’t expect anything, and appreciate the rewards that come from respecting the process with humility.
“If anyone can refute me — show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective — I’ll gladly change. It’s the Truth I’m after, and the Truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance.” — Marcus Aurelius
Resources
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Skin in the Game: Hidden Asymmetries in Daily Life by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully
