How to Align Your Desires with Your Goals
“When all you’ve got is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.
— Abraham Maslow
by Paul Keefe
Don’t confuse your desires with your goals.
Desires are often first instincts, short-term, and emotional reactions.
Goals are strategically planned, often requiring delayed gratification with a vantage point looking from the top down — seeing the forest, not just the trees.
It’s not that all desires are bad. It’s just that they are usually not aligned to our goals. Take for example saving money. Most of us would admit that we would like to have more money in savings. Yet, we choose to go and buy a coffee everyday opposed to making one at home, purely out of desire — and bad habit.
Or when trying to lose weight, our bodies usually crave sugars, salts, and fats. Not really the best foods for burning that stubborn fat.
This all comes down to control. Do you let these emotional reactions control you?
The quote above implies that we must approach every situation we encounter with openness, and the ability to assess and figure out which tool is required to get the job done. If we go into these new situations with only one tool, no plan, and a clear goal, we just end up spinning out wheels — or whacking everything we can with a hammer just because.
Our initial desires always tend to divert our focus from carrying out the right action. So we must have the right tools in place to prevent this from happening.
By taking the time to create a plan — viewing all aspects from every angle possible — you will give yourself much more clarity in your day-to-day actions. This greatly reduces stress, fatigue, and the clears up your perception of reality.
The first tool, and this can be used for anything we do in life — is awareness. Awareness is what allows us to view situations from perspectives of non-judgement and non-attachment. When we don’t judge ourselves when we make a slip, and we don’t attach ourselves to external events themselves, we can see more objectively. This allows us to see our goals with more clarity. Which allows us to continue pursuing them without interruption.
The tough part, is using awareness before we make that mistake. It’s becoming aware of our mind, body, and spirit before we cave into our desire. It’s becoming hyper-aware of your desires at every moment you can.
What to do now
1) Separate a piece of paper into three sections by drawing two lines length-wise down the page. Title the left column ‘Desires,’ the middle, ‘Aligned,’ and the right, ‘Goals.’
2) In the ‘Goals’ column, write down your main goal at the top. This is your outcome goal — the moonshot, the big audacious objective — you’ve set out to achieve. This is usually on a longer term scale from a year or longer. Then write down smaller subsequent goals that can be managed on a more short-term basis, which will help you achieve the outcome goal. We call these behaviour goals. They directly help you achieve your outcome. These are where the magic happens, because it’s where the action happens. Example: Outcome goal — I want to save $1,000 dollars in a year. Behavior Goals- I will put aside at least $80 every pay check into a savings account. Note: Behavior goal is the act. It’s what causes the outcome. Don’t focus so much on Outcomes.
3) In the ‘Desires,’ column, try to drum up all of the short-term, emotional, obstacles and behaviours that may come up during the course of your journey. In the above example, this might be going out to eat too many times each week, buying coffees from Starbucks when you already have coffee beans at home, or buying those new shoes when you already have a perfectly fine pair.
4) Now it’s time to Align your desires with your goals. Go down the left column and ask yourself if these desires will actively help you achieve each of your Behavior/Outcome goals. If the answer is “no,” the objective of this exercise is to plan and strategize how to influence these desires in a a positive way so that they can help you. We want to build your tool box to include more than just a hammer. Be proactive, and think about solutions for these potential problems, so that when they occur, your know how to act.
5) Continue to ask yourself when you feel ambivalent in a particular situation, “Does this first instinct desire help me achieve my goals?” or more simply put, “Does this add me value?” Yes or no.
Use awareness to assess the situation from a place of non-judgement and non-attachment.. Create solutions to potential problems/unwanted desires. Only carry out on the actions/desires that will add you the most value in achieving your goals.
