Inward Journeys: My Practice With Meditation by Blair Jensen
“Let go of you are trying to become, and sit still with who you are.” — Blair Jensen
Disclaimer: Although this article is titled ‘Inward Journeys: My Practice with Meditation,’ I will be using the terms ‘yoga’ and ‘meditation’ interchangeably. Yoga is an 8 limbed path/practice that contains Asanas (postures) that most of learn about when we start. However, it also contains Dharana (one pointed focus) and Dhyana (open-awareness) which are the actual actions (or non-actions depending how you look at it) of meditation. The yogic path is one of mindfulness and self-awareness and thus is the path of, and towards meditation.
If you were to tell me 10 years ago that I would be practicing meditation on a daily basis I would have laughed. Now if you were to tell me that I would never be able to meditate again, I would probably cry.
The simple act of one pointed focus, starting with Yoga Asanas and moving through a number of different meditation styles and modalities has been a true transformation for my body and mind.
A Self-created and Self-guided healing of the Soul, and all layers of being that arise from this source.
The term ‘Soul,’ ‘Spirit’ or ‘Life Force Energy’ is something that I did not even acknowledge or believe to exist at the start of my Yogic practice. Now, I do not go a day where I don’t work towards connecting with this deeper sense of Self, the Seed and Spark of all that I am.
This is where these inward journeys have brought me. Not only working towards being more mindful; conscious and fully present within every given moment of intention with the outer world, this Earth and space that you and I all share. But always moving deeper inward, becoming aware of the most subtle of sensations and feelings with my own Inner body and Self.
What I would call my own Inner World is the path of knowing who I am at the very deepest level. Though these words I am using to describe meditation and mindful awareness might seem very profound or foreign — ‘Soul’, ‘Spirit’ and ‘Subtle Energies’ — the meditations I practice are the same, and the yoga postures I work on are the same as when I first started. To a degree, I will admit that there is more openness within my body and mind that allows for me to move into more advanced postures and longer meditations.
The roots or core of the yoga and meditation practice, “One pointed focus” which allows for us to slow down and centre our presence in an open and accepting state of awareness has not changed, but what has changed is where this focused awareness can take me.
Where I am able to move to, what I am able to witness and perceive within that awareness has deepened greatly over the years. This is the magic and beauty of Yoga and Meditation of all varieties. The vehicle you use does not change but the journey itself is always leading you to and through ever greater wonders and abilities of discovery and understanding.
When I first started doing Yoga postures this was really my first time every being able to be still, centred and focused. Not only focused within the moment but more importantly focused upon my own body, and the breath that was moving through it.
This is why the practice of Yoga Asana is so powerful and life changing. To the outside observer it may look like you are “exercising” the body but in reality you are sewing the seeds of inner awareness and self discovery.
One of the most empowering tools and focus points we have at our disposal for meditation is our own breath and whether or not you are aware of it this is also the most powerful aspect of Yoga as well.
When we focus upon our breath in a consciously focused way we unite our body and mind, Union which is what Yoga translates to. By practicing these Asanas I began to bring a sense of awareness into my own body. This was the beginnings of what I would call Self awareness — observing and feeling my own body and it’s sensations with an open, calm and accepting mind.
The exact opposite of unconsciousness, I was finally becoming conscious and present to my own body, my vehicle that moves me through life.
As I used the Asanas to heal my body, opening up my joints and muscles to the point where I could finally be able to sit comfortably and calmly for the first time in my life I was able to begin the act of seated meditation.
The Yoga postures though they are meditation at there core are far more easy to do than a seated meditation. This is because when doing a posture you are quite literally DOING something. You are moving and holding your awareness upon that movement with the breath. So when one goes to sit or lie down for a meditation there is more room for resistance and distraction. Distraction in the form of physical sensations (pain and discomfort, a wanting to move and get up), mental distraction (thoughts and imagination) and emotional distraction (the feeling of emotions that might be pleasant or unpleasant but none the less create waves within our inner body and draw us into personal stories, memories, and thought patterns.)
This is where guided meditations came to begin to cultivate the next stage of inner awareness and journeying. Body scans became a daily practice, letting someone guide my focus through my body, from the tips of my toes, to my entire foot, shine bone, calves, knee joint, thigh, hips, etc.
This style of meditation — where there is a voice guiding you, holding your focus and drawing you back when the mind inevitably wonders off — is a blessed tool to begin to learn how to meditate in a still posture.
Continuing to combine this inward awareness of feeling into your own body along with your breath is amazing for letting go of deeper, and chronic tension held in the joints and muscles that can make our everyday life — let alone our seated meditation practice — uncomfortable and restless. Being able to do this for 20–60 minutes at a time gives you a sense of achievement and these resistances can be overcome and managed.
It’s very important to understand you are not only learning to meditate but you are giving your body and Self the most important gift, your undivided attention (Loving awareness).
As one grows more comfortable and capable of learning to just Be, the wide spectrum of meditation modalities and styles are at your finger tips.
For myself when I was able to begin to sit comfortably I began working with Mantras (words, phrases or prayers that we repeat to ourselves to cultivate a change within our own Being). These mantras can be very sacred or very simple. The Hindu mantra of “OM”, believed to be one of the most sacred and powerful vibrations one can speak is an example of a healing or empowering mantra. Where as the repeating of any word or cluster of consonants and vowels can be used to hold one’s focus and begin to still the mind and body, moving deeper and deeper into that sense of all accepting awareness.
For me. this is where the healing and Spiritual aspect of meditation really took off. Believing in and having faith in these sacred mantras, allows these vibrations we create internally or aloud to bring forth a change to our own reality. This deepened my own faith and belief in the mystical, the subtle, or higher levels of energy that are at our disposal if we so choose to connect with them.
And I found that the proof was in the pudding, the meditations and states of awareness that I felt when working with them created a unique and uplifting experience. Cultivating something within me that was expansive and extremely beautiful. Not only did they do the job of holding my focus which allowed me to move into that state of awareness but they began to fertilize the seedlings of self discovery — discovery and uncovering of my own Spiritual energy and connection to the Universe itself.
The meditation and yoga began to move into all aspects of my daily life. The formal practice of doing the practice on the mat was met with the informal practice of bringing what is learned and cultivated on the mat into my everyday life.
Bringing forth that ever deepening awareness of Self and my own Inner experiences and sensations into the world around me. Holding a sense or state of inward awareness in any and all situations I would find myself in. Moving ever deeper into the cultivation of consciousness and moving away or healing unconscious patterns and reactions that I have accumulated throughout my entire life.
Simple but profoundly insightful actions like being aware of my bodies posture as I move through space whether it is walking through a crowded mall, a quiet forest or standing doing the dishes in my own home. Knowing where my body is moving and the feelings that my senses are perceiving and giving me.
How am I feeling in each of these different interactions?
How is my body language?
What thoughts, emotions and internal sensations are arising throughout each given task and endeavour?
Literally just becoming more and more aware of my own experience, how and what am I bringing forth into this outer world from within and how is this outer world effecting my inner reality. What situations cause me to feel angry or frustrated, when do I feel jealous, unworthy or unconfident?
On the other spectrum what situations make me feel happy, grateful, loving and confident of my own Self? What do I feel and sense throughout the day?
This awareness that might seem simple is the shift from unconscious to conscious, from ignorant to aware and from illusion to the present moments reality. Cultivating this awareness by simply witnessing your own body, your own vehicle and all the amazing gages and tools it has within it.
Leaning to be open to and present to your own emotions and sensations -this Is what deepens the practice of meditation and mindfulness even further. Delving deeper, and bringing awareness to ever subtler sensations and experiences that are occurring within the moment of your life. Witnessing them, accepting them and just being able to Be with them.
Being able to Be comfortable in uncomfortable situations, however that discomfort shows itself to each and every one of us is one of the most empowering things I have received from meditation.
Being OK with my physical sensations, my thoughts and emotions no matter where they may lay on the spectrum of pleasant, unpleasant and neutral. This is what allows you to take control of your life and your actions. This is what allowed me to see that no matter what “I” am experiencing or feeling “I” can live with it, move through it and Be OK.
I can survive and I can learn from even the darkest moments of my life (which I have) and these more unpleasant moments and feelings become our best teachers. This I what allowed me to turn the health issues and visual impairment I have had throughout my entire life into my best teacher, befriending it instead of hating and despising it. Accepting it within the moment and allowing myself to ask, “What does this have to teach me?” and witness the answer as it arises.
“Who am I?”
To me, this is the question at the heart of it all.
Three words that are both unsettling, yet at the same time liberating.
By asking ourselves this question we begin to uproot ourselves from states and beliefs of illusion and anchor ourselves within the very being our our own Truth, whatever that Truth may be to each one of us.
This question was and still is the next step of my meditation practice. Moving towards that still deepening path inward now I had a new mantra to reflect upon and a state of Witnessing Consciousness that could begin to cut through all disbelief of who or what I believe myself to be.
This statement that we ask ourselves allows us to move through and overcome our own eg0 — smaller limiting self — and begin to move into and towards that sense of Truth and purpose — the bigger Self.
To me this was the search and journey for my own Soul and Spirit. Through the stilling of my body and mind, creating a sense and ability to hold my own self, my actions thoughts, beliefs and sensations in awareness I was able to dive and dig into the core of who I believe myself to be.
“Who, What, When, Where and Why”, like a journalist searching for the Truth within a story, but instead this was the story of my own life and my own consciousness I began to question and dig into what I was observing within any given moment of my life.
“Why am I reacting this way?”
“Why am I having this reoccurring thought pattern?”
“Where did this thought pattern or belief come from?”
“How is this belief benefiting me?”
All of these are examples of how through an awareness of what is occurring within us, and how we are responding and sensing the life around us, teach us to question who we are and our own reality as we believe it to be.
This is done from the state of the ‘Observer’ or the ‘Witness’.
That aspect of our very Being that is always watching and perceiving, looking upon the happenings within the moment from an outside perspective, not allowing ourselves to get overly attached or reactive to what we are feeling witnessing but at the same time still feeling it. This gentle and subtle balance began to create an even greater state of personal healing and empowerment, a state of Digging Deep into who I am, or in some cases who I am not.
Learning to let Life itself be my teacher, whatever is brought forth in front of me — whether I like it or not — is my teacher and my subject of focus.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how pleasant or unpleasant the circumstance may appear, these events are meant to give us the opportunity to learn from and grow.
To heal an aspect of ourselves that is not flowing, that is resistant and in some cases fighting what is going on within the moment. Digging into these resistances, those very resistances that arise within all meditation, physical sensation and discomfort, mental thought patterns and emotional reactions to the past, present, and future.
Overcoming and releasing all states of illusion that do not prove themselves to be True within my own Heart. Listening and trusting that we know that Truth within us, quieting and stilling our entire being so that we can know and feel those Truths when they are discovered. This Inward journeying and path of Self discovery led me deeper and deeper into a state of awareness that was no longer balanced and originating form my brain, my mind but rather from my Heart.
Being balanced within my own Heartspace, my Heart Centre has been one of the greatest and most beautiful Truths I have discovered and come to along this path.
Living from the Heart, feeling and experiencing life from this state and place of Love, Acceptance, Non Judgment and Quiet Observation has transformed my ability to Be a good person, a good citizen, friend and Yogi. This act of listening to the Heart, a more subtle and Meta-Physical Heart (in yoga they would call this the Heart Chakra or I call it the Higher Heart) allowed me to feel into those most subtle Truths with greater precision and awareness. It led me to Being compassionate, caring, loving and understanding to not only other but more importantly myself. Learning to be able to Love who I am as I am, finding that source of solace and comfort from with rather than always seeking gratification from an outside source. Being my own best friend, my own life partner and companion, this is what I believe Yoga and meditation are meant to do. Learning to Be with yourself, a practice of Me, Myself and I.
Everything else in life is just a sweet icing on the cake of life — a bonus so to speak. As I grow more comfortable with myself and who I am, day by day, year by year, life becomes ever sweeter.
Even the most mundane and simple aspects of life have a new found beauty and tranquility to them. As John Kabat-Zinn states, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
And being “there” is perfect. It is trusted and it is where my Truth wants me to be. From this clearer understanding of Self I can begin to manifest and work on what I find most beneficial, not only to what is in service of my own Heart, but also to my community, family and friends.
Be Love, is the current Mantra to my Life. The aspect and quality that I bring forth into every moment, interaction and place I may find myself in. It is less an action and doing and more so a state of Being and Living.
This is where my journey has brought me to at this moment, this is the Truth that resonates and echos within my own Heart. I am open to all adventures, all discoveries and all healing that may bring me ever closer to that sense of Truth, my Self.
I continue to move down the rabbit whole that is the Yogic path. Letting go of what is no longer needed and what does not serve me, picking up a teaching or practice that will continue to guide me along my way to Samadhi, Nirvana and Onenness with the Universe. Words that I would have not been able to understand or speak 10 years ago but yet today in this moment comes forth within me effortlessly, and honestly.
B, Love
Blair is a Meditation teacher here in Winnipeg, Mb. He runs workshops at Yoga Centre Winnipeg, and Radiance Gifts, as well as volunteer work at the Health Sciences Centre. Blair is a Certified Yoga Instructor, and Second Level Certified Usui Reiki Practitioner. His business is called ‘Higher Heart Living’ and can be contacted at higherheartliving@gmail.com
